Coping with COVID-19 with Unhealthy (but understandable!) Distractions

As we enter another season of living with COVID-19, people try to shift their emotions and expectations accordingly. This can mean finding healthy ways to handle stress and uncertainty — like exercise, hobbies, meditation — as well as not-so-healthy escapes, like overeating or drinking too much, both of which may get you through the night but leave you feeling worse in the morning.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. I understand the need to find relief and distraction from our chaotic world. We all need to do that to stay sane. My role as a therapist is not to take away people’s coping skills. On the contrary, the only way to help people stop a harmful habit is to offer something that feels as comforting or tempting to ease pain and restlessness.

I see this as a two-prong process. First, identifying negative habits and trying to stop the most dangerous behavior. If a client is drinking and driving, or drinking until they black out several times a week, for example, I’d strongly encourage them to stop and help determine which acute intervention is the most effective (having a partner take away the car keys, talk to their physician about medications that curb cravings for alcohol). The goal is not to stop the behavior all together at this point, just to mitigate the immediate danger to themselves and those around them before addressing the underlying reasons and resources to help.

For clients who don’t engage in highly risky behaviors but find themselves drinking more or more often than they want, a reality check of how much they drink or overeat — without punishing guilt or hopelessness — can help them achieve more moderation. Understanding when and why someone “overdoes it” is really important in setting realistic goals and expectations. For couples, this could mean encouraging one partner to be more of a participant than a policeman/woman. From an attachment perspective, understanding each other’s emotions can make a world of difference. The same goes for individual clients who may feel alone or ashamed of their self-harming habits. Good therapy can do much more than point fingers, it can hold hands in an effort to build understanding, empathy, and ultimately, change.