Why Hearing "I Wish You Didn't Feel That Way" Doesn't Help

Ever pour your heart out to someone only to be told “don’t feel like that?”

It’s a natural reaction — I just did it myself! I know it comes from a well-intentioned place, but we should know better. When someone expresses their innermost feelings, fears, or frustrations to you, they want to know you are listening, not that they might be doing something wrong. We all want to be accepted, even (and especially) in our most vulnerable areas. When a friend or loved one expresses a place of pain or sensitivity, first hear them out. Be curious. Let them know you care, and that you want to know more about their experience. It’s probably not personal, and if it is, wouldn’t you rather have a chance to respond or do better than have them store it all up inside? You want people you care about to feel safe around you. The next time someone comes to you with an uncomfortable emotion, check you ego at the door. Make it about them, not how it affects you.